This is a Message to a "Strong Black Woman". This may not relate to all Strong Black Women. This is from my perspective but not general.
But here is my message to her
"Strong Black Woman" I don't feel like that phrase is a compliment to you when its used in this context. This phrase has been celebrated. Now don't get me wrong there's nothing wrong with a Woman being strong mentally. physically, emotionally, and spiritually. I have no issue with that. I have a issue when Black Women in particular is labeled as bitter, angry, and Too independent.That may be what your dealing with but that doesn't identify who you are. But no one has taken the time to figure out why that is. Why is this strong black woman angry? Why is she so bitter? Why would she rather do things herself and depend only on herself? Some may have asked this question but have you? Some people may not care why but I would rather keep my mouth shut if I cant be a solution to the problem. I'm not saying that Women who are this way should just accept being this way but I know that there is a reason. It's not a compliment to me because being a "Strong Black Woman" is who she had to be. I'm talking about some of the women I know. She had to be the bread winner. She had to be the provider. She had to be the closest thing to a Father even though she could never give her child what a Father could. She had to be everything.
Secondly, She had to be because they wasn't. I've seen this situation happen over and over again. So I know some can relate. What breaks my heart is that it's normal. Broken homes and wrong decision making. She had to be the "Strong Black Woman" because of the lack of someone else. It wasn't just a father but maybe it was her mother. Or maybe it was family. She had to become what she didn't want to. She had to take on a role she could never fulfill. She just had to be! because of the lack or non existence of someone else. She had to go the extra mile to try and make up for what someone else didn't do. There wasn't another choice. The only choice she had was to give up. Her only option was to either give up on her family, her dreams, or her life. She chose life instead, she chose to do it her self. She chose to be what they couldn't be. Sometimes that could still be destructive but that's the only choice she had.
Furthermore, She had to be a Strong Black Woman because she made the wrong decisions. She payed the consequences of the decisions she made. And I hope she owns the mistakes and wrong decisions she made. Not only did she have to correct what she did but she had to heal and forgive those who wasn't there to guide her when she needed them the most. A lot of decisions she made as an adult have a lot to do with her upbringing. How she was raised! And i'm not saying that she need to put all the blame on her parents or who ever guided her. But it has a lot to do with it, until she found her own (right path). Not only does she still need's to heal. But what if she doesn't know how. How do she heal? So now she has this mentality that she don't need a man. She can depend on herself. She will never submit, or she has never had a Man good enough to submit to. I believe that a lot of women are very hurt because they had to figure stuff out on their own. They had to be everything, and no one has showed them how to heal. Or some are not even willing to heal.
In addition to everything I've said, Being a "Strong Black Woman" is not a compliment to me. It's something she had to be because of the poor decisions she made. I think the poor decisions she made had a lot to do with her own guilt and shame but also her upbringing. She had to be or she had to make up for someone else's lack or non existence.Now that she has payed the consequences of her choices she is still left with internal damage.I think because she had to be everything having the natural instincts of a woman or being able to submit to anything is unfamiliar to her. Being feminine isn't as natural as it use to be. I think she is bitter because she's been holding in anger for so long. I think that all of that anger comes from 1 thing. HURT! She has to look herself in the mirror and realize who she truly is because when you know who you are. Your value, your worth, your decisions, your Identity, everything changes. And the only person who can show her that and heal her is God.
She just need's to forgive everyone who shoes she had to fill because of their lack. She just need's to heal and I will show her how because they won't.
What a"Strong Black Woman" should look like. If I could describe her, I believe that this Woman has owned up to her mistakes and wrongdoing. She doesn't blame anyone but her self. She has forgiven those who wasn't there when she needed them. She doesn't hold on to baggage but she tries to understand that their lack came from wrong choices and misguidance as well. She don't play the victim anymore but she has searched who she really is. She is strong but she also embraces her weakness. She understands that her weakness actually makes her strong. She embraces herself. She goes on her own healing journey and realize how everything she has witnessed made her who she was. But that doesn't mean everything that has been instilled inside of her is right or true to who she really is. I believe what makes her strong is that she can be weak. What makes her strong is being able to confront all the things of her past and deal with them. I think what makes her strong is really knowing God's plan for her life and execute it. Because once again once she know's who she really is everything else can change. She has over come society ways and the standards of this world. She has over come self. And day by day she continues to over come.