Why I Had Sex Before Marriage

So to give you a little history! Before I got saved I was already sexually active with everyone I was in a relationship with. Once I became saved I was celibate for about 2 years before I met my Husband. So when we did start dating I was very confident that I could save myself until marriage. I thought it wouldn't be that hard to wait until marriage because our entire relationship was long distance. But when we would see each other man it seem like things just got hotter and hotter. I think the difference from when I was single and celibate vs when I was in a relationship and celibate is I wasn't tempted because no one was around. So I was faced to deal with a struggle that wasn't confronted. So me being in a relationship just exposed that the holy spirit was not in control in this area in my life. Even though I wasn't having sex, but when he came along I didn't refuse.

Reason #1 Lust of the flesh- The lust of the flesh is that

temptation to feel physical pleasure from sinful activity-to do something to make the flesh feel satisfied. It can involve any type of sinful activity that will bring pleasure to the body. Examples of the "lust of the flesh" could be -sexual sins (fornication, adultery, masturbation) -Gossip -use of drugs - Gluttony(over eating)

to just name a few but for me it was definitely lust of the flesh. Having sex before marriage is definitely contrary to the will of God. God's will when it comes to sex is to be married plain and simple. But what is not so simple is going through with it. How do you not have sex with someone who you are about to marry? It's not impossible because I've seen many do it. So why couldn't I go through with it? The reason why I didn't or couldn't go through with it is because I didn't want to. I couldn't answer this question until I looked back and seen my actions behind everything up until the wedding. When I got in a relationship I didn't prepare myself. We did set standards but we didn't go through with them. Reason #2 I put confidence in my flesh- I thought I could handle kissing and touching because it didn't lead to anything. I thought I was strong enough to handle it. But every time I would leave his presence I was wet down there. But I knew that the bible say put no confidence in your flesh. Which means at all times not sometimes. In my old relationships i wasn't concerned about what God was saying when it came to sex because I wasn't submitted to him. I was submitted to myself. I never allowed Myself to let God help me, or rescue me when I was about to fall. Because every time there was an escape, I chose to disobey God.Operating the same way as if I didn't know God. I would cry and pray and ask God to help me but in the same breath when I know he coming over I would purposely put on some short shorts. I continued to put myself in situations that I should not have thinking that I was going to get a different result. Reason #3 My heart didn't really want to wait- When I talk about my heart I'm referring to my mind. My mind was not there and I didn't want to. Because every time I had the chance to escape I chose not to. Sounds messed up but it's the truth. I remember when I really wanted to stop smoking weed. I believed that God would help me stop so besides praying and reading the word I had to make the conscious effort to stop. The household I was living in at the time were weed smokers So to prevent me from being tempted and falling I would sometimes spend the night at a friend house. Other times I would sit in the car and cry. I went to the extreme to make sure I didn't start back and God gave me the strength to do it. Soon the desire to want weed just went away. But it was because I made up in my mind that I didn't want it anymore. So I know that I could have went through the same extremes when it came to waiting until marriage, But we didn't and I Didn't. God still chose to Bless My Marriage!!!! Even though I know God does honor marriage according to his standards, he didn't have to honor mine but he did. Which goes to show everything is redeemable. I truly want to live under God's standards but sometimes I fall, and when I fall I feel there is no way to get back up. But because he has given me freedom instead of condemning my faults I can grow. That's what marriage suppose to be. A slow growing journey. Not just marriage but this faith walk in general. It will have pitfalls as well as triumphs, heartache, and Love. It shows me that we should celebrate the good moments and the best things about each other but also that we should acknowledge the things we do wrong and to quickly forgive when we fail. So I had sex before marriage!! I acknowledge that it wasn't the correct way to show my commitment to God and My husband. But I'm showing My commitment in my marriage by keeping the vow I made to God and my husband. to love him, to honor him, to comfort him, and to keep him in sickness and in health, forsaking all others, for as long as I live.