When I was a young girl my mom had (the talk) with me. No! not the sex talk but the talk about starting my period, my menstrual cycle. She talked to me about what it was and why us women have them. Around the time she figured I would start we prepared for it and bought everything I needed before it came. I was anticipating when it would come and what I would be doing around the time it came. I thought about what if it came in any place except home and how embarrassing it would be for me. My birthday came and I was turning 12 years old. By this time I could tell that my body was changing and maturing. But my period didn't come that year. So my Mom told me oh it will come next year. She said that 12-14 was the normal age it came. I just knew between those ages that I would experience what I've been preparing for. Thirteen came but my period didn't come. Fourteen came it didn't come. Fifteen came, that's when my mom started getting suspicious. I think she started getting a little concerned so we went to the doctor to get a check up. My doctor at the time told me that everything looked natural and that I may start within the next few years. A year went by when I turned sixteen. At this time I was sexually active and I thought that would help but it didn't. So probably a year after that I went to get another check up concerning me being late. My doctor took some test this time. Results came back and they told me that my hormone levels were imbalanced. So they gave me some birth control pills to take to see if my body would do the opposite. I believe I took one pill and never took the rest. The pills made me so sick. They wanted me to try something else but I refused. After that happened my insurance was cutt off for about 3 years. I wasn't able to go back to the doctor until I was about 19 or 20. So by this time I had no idea what was going on with my body. So I prayed to God and I remember telling him I don't know what's wrong with me but I just want to be able to have children. But all the things I was hearing about how much pain it cause and how terrible it make you feel I wasn't too excited to have a period. So I really wasn't tripping. But as time continued to go on I begin to ask myself will I be able to have children. I wasn't sad or anything I just begin to ask that question. So when I finally got insurance again I went back to the doctor and got a ultra sound done and I actually had 2 pelvic exams. One pelvic exam was years before the next one. The first pelvic exam the doctor told me that they couldn't find my cervix. Then they told me that there was a blockage between my vagina and cervix and I might needed surgery. The second time I was about 23 when I got the results back from my 2nd pelvic exam. My doctor called me and she said I'm sorry to tell you this but you were born without a uterus. We didn't see any uterus and you won't come on your period and you won't be able to have children. I took this well because I always had this in the back of my mind as a possibility. So it really wasn't that much of a shock to me. Before I got these test done. At the time I was engaged to my Husband. So I had already talked with him about this. We talked about this before we got engaged. So my Husband was prepared as well. So I called him and told him as soon as I got off the phone with my doctor and his response was "Are You Okay"? and I told him that I was okay and that I really don't have a say so in this. I don't have control over this God does. So my Husband really encouraged me about how God is in control and we just want Gods will to be done in our lives. But as my day went on I remembered the prayer I prayed about me wanting to have children. I thought that it was quite strange how I've been back and forth to the doctor but it wasn't until I got engaged that I got the news. So after I received the news I begin telling everyone the results I got back. Like my close friends and family. Personally for me when I got the results back I was fine. I didn't ever question God. My mindset was what is God's will for me. Regardless if I have children or not I just want God's will to be done. These are the questions I begin asking myself. What if God want's me to adopt and invest in another child that will never have a functional upbringing What if it's God will for me to not have children at all. Why do I want children in the first place?
Those were just a couple of questions I was asking myself. But I want to share with you guys the best part of this situation. So many people even pastor's and people who are believers have lacked faith in God being able to do this for me. Family told me that I can choose different options like having a surrogate, surgery, or I can adopt. And I do understand that a lot of women have done that so i'm not knocking any of those things. And I also understand that some people just don't want me to be disappointed because they don't really think it can happen. But I asked myself is this too Big for God? NO it's not too big for him but everybody else think so. So if we were going off just belief it's already done in my eyes. But I just feel like why should I have to settle for anything other than God can and God will. I want this to happen for my family but not just for that reason. I want people to see that the God I serve is able to do anything that our little minds can't understand . So if your wondering How I feel I'm fine. My Husband and I have looked into other options and have talked about it and I keep getting drawn back to this place. Don't settle.
So What's Next? My husband and I have been married for a year now. We are just getting used to being married So right now we're focusing on each other, our goals, and ministry. We are making the necessary steps to getting out of debt and building wealth. I have not went to the doctor recently but we do have to make some more appointments. We're not in a rush to have children though lol we can wait. But at the end of the day I want God's will to be done in my life and in my marriage. I have looked into other options, and I even considered some of them But God keep telling me DON'T SETTLE and I won't. I believe deep within me that God is going to bless me and my husband with children. I believe he's going to do it for us. So we are trusting in God to give us the desire of our hearts.
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I'm busy working on my blog posts. Watch this space!